Profession: Warlord (retired)

On Sunday a man was shot in JBR car park. Small shockwaves rippled through Dubai, a land where crime is astonishingly low and any there is gets swept under the carpet before the grapevine even gets out of bed. But this story was far from finished.

...By Monday he was identified as Chechen
...Tuesday revealed that it was actually an assassination
...By Wednesday we had forgotten all about it
...But today the fun really started. It turns out there is some confusion over whether he is alive (says family) or dead (say officials). And all the middle class residents of JBR* discovered they had been living next door to a warlord! Sorry...retired warlord.

What a shocker for those residents (which includes a colleague of mine) to know that a former Chechen warlord was living in their midst. Maybe they bumped into him in the pharmacy, sat next to him in a restaurant or queued behind him in Starbucks. Perhaps their car was parked worryingly near the spot now marked with a chalk outline (in my imagination).

As the story emerges - in The National, of course - it seems this guy has the luck of two-and-a-bit cats, having survived 19 previous attempts on his life. Nineteen! You'd have a serious chip on your shoulder by about the second or third, I reckon. Read the article - it's hilarious.

"Unfortunately he is dead and has been buried" say officials. I would say if he's been buried then it is very fortunate he is dead. But maybe he isn't, because his wife "saw him yesterday" and his brother says "he feels fine". Only in the UAE could such confusion reign.

Oh, and check out the photos. I particularly like the third one of Chechen warlord (retired) enjoying some down time and casually posing at the pool table - it's not all 'work work work' you know.

*JBR - for non-Dubaians - is a popular residential community amongst expats, located in the swanky Dubai Marina and enjoying all the luxury trappings of a local beach, shops, bars and restaurants. Very nice in fact. And very respectable.